Hello Winter, I’ve been waiting for you

There is something to be said about the feeling you get with the first snowfall.  Poor winter gets the most grief. As understandably so.. I mean, beyond the obvious bitter cold, dangerous traveling conditions, snow which inevitably also means ‘manual labor’ to a large array of seasonal winter dwellers.  It was understood by me that we, as a human society have a right to live basically anywhere we want.  If you want to be somewhere than I believe you just have to make it happen.  I know it’s so much easier said than done, but maybe I’m a naive believer.  Err, scratch that I don’t want to sound like im a belieber. Gross. That’s a whole other post for a later day…

But I always wonder why everyone gripes about the impending winter.  Especially since we all are Coloradians, native or not.  Winter is a huge part of our life and I feel it doesn’t get the respect it should… I’ve always wanted to ask the people that gripe about the upcoming winter, why do you live here? And then I wonder, am I naive? I haven’t spent 20 years of my life dealing with backbreaking snowstorms… But I’ve made a decision to try.

For me, I love the feeling of hibernating inside a warm house, drinking ginger and honey tea made on our wood burning stove, just watching the inches accumulate on the deck.  I love watching my dogs running wildly through the snow, catching snowballs and snowflakes.  I love how the snow outlines each naked branch with light, puffy, white as it could be snow.  I love how every snowflake is unique. I loved the look on my sons face when we looked outside and he tried to figure out this new scene of our familiar lawn.  The curiosity, the wonderment, you could literally see him thinking.

I have truly made an attempt to be wholly present in each season, each month, each day.  I am an anticipatory person and was always looking and waiting for the next season, never being fully immersed into the season… This year, having Atom, I wanted to savor every last memory of each season, so I was able to not look forward too much, I wanted to be in and remember every moment.  Although he has made life busier, being a mama to my son has allowed me to slow down.  I applaud every working mama out there! You have a drive within you that I don’t think I have.  To be able to get up and be a mama and also manage work is crazy talk.. Talk about powerful! As a stay at home mama, I have huge respect for our working mamas out there.  I feel as though I have hard enough time finding enough time for everything that needs to be done. Motherhood alone is a full time job, but mostly I believe it’s about finding your chi and balance. But its hard to find balance in a sleep deprived life…

Atom has been a hungry little caterpillar since the day he was born.  I had to supplement small amounts of formula through a small pump for 3 days after he was born because I was not producing enough for him.  There was a small tube that ran into the side of his cheek beside my breast.  So he never even knew and still latched perfectly.  I didn’t want to do this but little man was always hungry.  He weighed 5 pounds, 13 ounces so he was a tiny little nugget, so we decided it was better for him to get a full feeding than none at all.  I discontinued the S pump a mere 1 week after being home and began exclusively breastfeeding. Such a struggle, but we did it.  Now at 6 months my little catapillar can go 4 hours until he wants to eat again.. Which means, I’m still getting up twice a night for feedings.  It’s been half a year and I still havent slept for more than 4 hours consecutively.

**Time warp to present time and we are finally sleeping through the night, which has drastically changed my outlook on life, I might add.  This was one of the most difficult feats I’ve overcome as a first time mama, being who you need to be for your little one, with very little sleep.  But we did it, he will be 8 months old next week and I’ve been able to enjoy the last month and a half where bed time is truly bed time.  We put him down at 7, it takes 20 minutes for him to become fully asleep, and then Michael and I get to enjoy mama and papa time.  I will say though, now that he sleeps through the night and I get 10, sometimes 12 hours of me time (whether I am sleeping or not)  I miss that little nugget and cannot wait for him to wake in the morning 🙂 …funny how things go.**

I’m sure one day, I’m going to have my day when I am no longer able to enjoy winter… Or will I? But if that time ever comes, I will make sure to try and change my surroundings so I can be peacefully present within each day.  Just know that you are powerful, “be the change you wish to see in the world” but also be the change you wish to see in you.

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