Chocolate and cheese

Cheese chocolate and eggs oh my… Yup that’s right. Day 2 of my meat and dairy cleanse and I’m craving all things that make me go yummmm.. It’s been alright so far, realizing I have to just make my choices with every snack, every meal, every beverage. I’ve never been so conscience of what I put into my body before. I mean,before this, my husband and I were conscience organic eaters and ate relatively healthy… Or so I thought until I purged my pantry of all things that I am making off limits to myself (for a limited time only) I keep telling myself.. It helps motivate me to keep going, knowing there is an end in site and I’m not going to have to do this forever. …unless I whole heartedly want to. But that’s something we will just have to wait and see.

So far hemp milk has replaced my organic 1% milk, kiwi and oranges replaced my night time sweet tooth and wheat cereal with hemp milk replaced my runny egg or bagel with cream cheese. The hardest part of my day was late at night, hours after the sun went to sleep. All I wanted was chocolate, the oh so good melt in your mouth-bad for you- ultra processed chocolate.. Ya know the kind with peanut butter in the center? …but I chose kiwi instead and the craving subsided. I feel like I’m going through a little withdrawal, I never realized what a sweet tooth I had to tell myself to stay away from it. So what did I do? I sent my husband to work with a box full of our goodies… Goodbye caramel popcorn and fake orange cheese popcorn. Goodbye delicious chocolates, fudge, marshmallows and anything that would have been in candyland.

About 5 days after.. this happened

I did it. I broke my own rule. I smiled. I indulged. and could not have been happier. Cheese. It did it to me. Beckoned for me, and I came running like a lost little girl. I was relaxing with my husband in our living room, enjoying the low rumble of the fire in the wood stove. I poured myself a glass of Pinot and began to unwind from the long day. Atom was asleep. Everything was so quiet, peaceful. Except for the growing hunger inside me, I craved for… Something. Not a word was said as I got up from my seat, went over to the refrigerator, pulled out a big block of Gouda cheese and took a bite. My knees buckled. I giggled like a little girl. I was happy.

My husband looked over in shock, surprised I was breaking my rule and surprised as I brought a few other cheese alongside a sleeve of multigrain crackers. I just looked at him and shrugged. He is supportive of whatever it is I do, so he just smiled and indulged a bit with me.

I tried, I really did, but something just came over me and I didn’t feel whole. Weird right? But I learned something about myself and in this first epic fail of 2016. I’m an omnivore through and through. I am thankful for extending my recipe repertoire as I began the year with garlic avocado and portobello mushroom burgers, quinoa kale and cannalinni bean stuffed peppers, kale blueberry strawberry and cherry smoothies topped with hemp seeds… But I am also thankful for the decadent ribeye provolone cheesesteaks we indulged in while we celebrated the return of my carnivorism. so. My 2016 resolution has morphed itself into my key word of the year: balance.

Instead of depriving myself of anything, I’ll just indulge… A little less.

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